The Place for Fuckfaces and Fuckballs

Making your balls crawl back up your body since 2011


This is an actualultrasound image of a 45-year-old man’s balls, as seen in The Daily What:

If I had a nickel for every time I saw someone’s balls look like a face on the Internet… I’d have one nickel. Yeah.

If I had a nickel for every time I saw someone’s balls in a chick’s mouth on the Internet, I’d be Bill Gates. 

And yes, I tagged Jon Stewart because he’s that fucking awesome.

Tweet me, balls:!/sexandpolitix

White Obama

The title says it all:

Suddenly, there’s a surge in Republican support for the President. 

Tweet me, white Obamas:!/sexandpolitix

Republican porn


That was oddly arousing for a second.

But then I realized I wasn’t a 75-year-old priest that pledged never to have sex.

Tweet me, joke candidates for president:!/sexandpolitix

At the hotel

I’m on vacation right now, doing stuff. As well as some stuff. Not to mention, that other stuff I did. Oh, and also the stuff.

So hotels are a big topic for me right now. I guess.

Okay, not really, but I’m trying to make a fuckin’ connection here.

Anyhow, here’s a picture of a cleaning cart at a hotel:

That thing will rape me in my sleep. Fuckballs.

Tweet me, creeps:!/sexandpolitix

Lady Liberty in Lingerie

What do you call it when you get an erection at a non-human thing and are okay with it?:

I’m betting that the Lincoln Memorial has banged Lady Liberty. That French motherfucker can’t be a virgin.

And okay, fine, she wasn’t in lingerie. They’re swimsuits. But I did it for the sake of awesome alliteration. And an aye ah.

Tweet me, hot statues:!/sexandpolitix

Porn on Sesame Street. Yum.

So something crazy happened.

The Daily What reports:

The Sesame Street YouTube channel was apparently hacked earlier this evening, and all its content was either removed or made private.

That’s not the crazy part.

This is:

Making matters worse still, a 7 minute Bang Bros porn video was uploaded to the channel, and the banner was replaced with one that read “Sesame Street — I’ts [sic] where porn lives.”

Now, this may be an appropriate time to discuss the implications of advancement in technology, the morality of hacking at any time for any reason, and the danger this act can have on innocent children.

But all my mind can think of is this: Does Elmo have a cock or a vagina?

Either way, Big Bird’s sexier. He’s got the ass.

Now excuse me, but I have to go watch a YouTube video of Bert and Ernie blow each other. 

Tweet me, vagfucks:!/sexandpolitix

I’m not sure, but I think I just jizzed

This is fucking bizzare:

Well done, headlines. Well done.

You are now permitted to fuck me.

Tweet me, shitfucks:!/sexandpolitix


I’m hoping this is Photoshopped because my balls just dropped:

Either this water is really transparent, my eyesight is really bad, or this boat just skullfucked the law of gravity. 

All three are legitimate explanations. Especially the skullfucking one.

Tweet me, gravityfuckers:!/sexandpolitix


I woke up and my foot was shaped like something it’s supposed to slip itself in:

I have no idea how I’m able to hold myself up with that thin piece of skin at the back of my foot. What’s the fucking bone structure there…

My point: don’t wear high-heels if you don’t want to. And also, my feet are gross.

Tweet me, feetfuckers:!/sexandpolitix

Cameron’s in the house

Yo, yo, yo, guess who’s pimpin’ in the ‘hood?:

UK PM David Cameron being a BAMF.

And by BAMF, I mean Murdoch-loving, corporate, right-wing cockfuck. 

But here’s why you should really hate him: He’s trying to censor porn. 

Now you agree with me. Thank you, and I love boobs, too.

Tweet me, shitbombs:!/sexandpolitix

This is an actual dog. No joke.

Apparently, there’s a contest called the British Dog Creative Stylist of the Year competition that allows you to make your dog look legit.

And by legit, I mean something that would come out of an alien’s vagina:

That is fucking unnatural.

The event organizer says the following:

The dogs are thrilled with all the attention they get – and love strutting their stuff. For them it’s just like getting a bath and a haircut.

Well, it’s either just like getting a bath and a haircut or like being detained at Guantanamo Bay. 

Tweet me, shitcocks:!/sexandpolitix

GOP just had another debate

Republican presidential hopefuls just had another debate. 

Are they having way too many motherfucking primary debates? That’s debatable.

Anyway, here’s a picture of Herman Cain:

It’s a photograph… I believe…

#IDontHaveTheFactsToBackThisUp but Herman Cain’s dick is thick only because it’s filled with cotton candy and dog semen. 

Tweet me, blobs of cotton candy and dog semen:!/sexandpolitix

This is War

And no, I’m not going to talk about the 30 Seconds to Mars album.

That was an alternative rock joke.

Thank you for listening.

But seriously, this is war:


And totally realistic.

Tweet me, dickdickdickdicks:!/sexandpolitix

And here come the condoms

Impress me, Condomania:

Whether or not you agree with the “demands” of the Occupy Wall Street movement that is sweeping the U.S., one thing is for sure; lots of people out there are tired of feeling screwed. Occupy Condoms say it all in a neat little package while affording young protestors the protection they need to stay safe in the passionate frenzy that is social protest.

Check out Condomania’s next product: Occupy Any Fucking Thing We Want Because We’re A Condom Company And We Think It’s Hilarious.

Although, to be fair, it’s kinda funny. But so is Donald Trump.

Tweet me, condoms:!/sexandpolitix


This is gross. So naturally, it pleasured me. Sexually.

Mmmm. Santorum…

Tweet me, weirdos:!/sexandpolitix